“Fun Run” is a hilarious oxymoron which I have come to know intimately well over the last few weeks. Working at a non-profit, we employees occasionally have to do something non-profit-y. In this case, it was fundraise for an amazing program for mental health services and partake in a 10km run.
The fundraising part was fantastic. Fun-d-raising. Funtastic. I told people about this wonderful idea to help people, asked them for money and they GAVE IT TO ME. God, I love people sometimes.
The running, however, was not fun. It was quite dreadful. In fact I have omitted so far that my dear friend R and I only signed up for the 5km version of this race. But if you imagine my fitness level compared to a regular persons, it’s basically the same as doing 10k.
So here is what I’ve learned…:
(1) Don’t hydrate*. If you drink too much water / Power-ade / fizzy drink you brought along to go with the Cheezels you will end up having to wee. Frequently. In awful, awful port-a-loos.
(2) Do plan ahead. Don’t wait until the morning of the event to decide how you will get to and from the race venue. This will lead to rampant road rage, fresh loathing of public transport, dangerous driving and harassing of men in yellow jackets who supposedly know which roads are closed.
(3) Do buy safety pins. Your race bib will only attach to your running shirt using these devices. Any amount of sticky tape / prit-stick / blu-tac / will fail miserably in the adhering stakes. Do not attempt to “peel” the race ID chip thinking it is a line of sticky tape.
(4) Do try to film as much as your race as possible, if only for the comic relief of those around you.
(5) Don’t dance around to a boom-box that you and your group of friends/colleagues/group therapy cohort brought with you onto the racetrack. You will only inspire a deep, unrelenting hatred from the other runners / walkers / those less enthusiastic than you (tip: everyone ever).
(6) Don’t, after half a kilometre, decide that this has been very nice and all but I’d quite like to nip off now for a coffee / hard liquor. This results in an intense feeling of what I’ve termed “runner’s guilt” which I guarantee is more uncomfortable than finishing the damn race.
Essentially, I’m never doing a fun-run again.
***disclaimer – please don’t dehydrate yourself before a major athletic event. I’m being silly here.